How to Read a Book: Short story

Always have multiple options;  Start with a romance but not in public in case there are erotic scenes that make you blush;  Try the epic fantasy next;  When the fights and characters start to vaguely remind you of other books you’ve read, switch to a historical fiction;  Don’t giggle out loud at the silly  moments because other people will look at you like you’re crazy;  Don’t forget to blink;  When you pause to use the bathroom don’t dog ear the page;  Don’t listen to music with ear buds on because you’ll forget other people are around you and make embarrassing noises;  If someone interrupts you smile and nod until they leave, never remembering what they even said because your mind was still on the book;  Don’t keep track of where you started, that only encourages you to brag later about how fast you read;  Turn the pages slowly so you don’t accidentally rip them; Keep track of the time not because you are worried about waking up on time tomorrow but because you know if you’re too tired tomorrow you’ll be too tired to read more; When your eyes start to burn remember to blink and consider closing the book for the night as soon as you reach a good stopping point;  Use some eye drops, 2 drops per eye;  Read one more chapter;  Look up at the clock to check the time;  Read one more chapter;  Check the time again;  Read just one more chapter;  Grab your alarm and reset your alarm to wake you up one hour later;  Read another chapter;  Stifle a yawn;  Read one more chapter;  Check your alarm;  When you realize you can’t push it back any more if you want to be on time tomorrow, sigh;  Eye your book like it’s a piece of meat and you a starving animal;  Read one more chapter;  Don’t look at your alarm before you close the book;  Turn out the light;  Lay there;  Tell yourself that thinking about the book will help you fall to sleep faster;  Don’t get up and turn back on the light so you can read more;  Go to sleep;  Dream the next chapter.


We were assigned for our first short story in my Fiction writing class to write a How to story.  This is just one of four that I ended up writing.  This isn't the one I will be turning in but it's fun and I like it so I'm sharing it here. :) Enjoy.
~T