While inside I cry

The empty days of my busy life...
those who love me care...they try.
but surrounded by them, I smile rife.
while inside I cry
He smiled at me slowly, shock in his eyes evident
those who love me don't see it
I smile back, pretending not to notice, pretending to be confident
while inside I cry
Life as I knew it suddenly became a clear lie
those who love me saw it
I should have seen sooner, but I just wanted to try
while inside I cry
innocent, adolescent, teenage me
those who love me didn't see
how I'd escape in my mind, fantasy... Flee!
while inside I cry
to smile and really feel happy.

In this I used 3 specific memories from things that have happened in my life that I remember feeling so sad and depressed and upset and confused... It's about how I expect those who love me to be observant and how blind I make myself or how I hide myself away so much...Maybe I should've been an actress...lol
~T~
p.s. sorry the last 2 poems have been so sad/depressing...just in a funk.

My Mask

I wear a mask today
but those who love me
can sometimes see it slip away
I fear my eyes give away my guilt
guilty of feeling sad
the sadness I tried to contain, spilt
what am I missing?
what do I need?
to fill this empty hole
this deep, hollow, aching...
in my soul.

Been feeling sad lately... It's like...I should feel happy with all the holidays around. But there's just so much in my life I'm trying to figure out so I can grow up I suppose. I sometimes slip up though and a sadness enters my eyes that gives me away... So I need to keep my mask on tighter I guess until I can figure this out or just give myself some time to just cry. Sometimes that's really helpful when you are feeling sad, to just cry and let it out instead of holding it all in. Hard for me though because I have been taught that crying shows weakness and I'd rather wear this mask than to cry...but then again...couldn't this mask be considered being weak too?... who knows? *Shrug*
~T~

Winter Wonderland

diamonds sparkle and shine
dripping gracefully down the side
rays of Heaven's love
come pouring down
creating this wonderland we dream of
each sparkle fell through time
ignoring the salt and brine
leaving a trail that blankets the Earth
shiver and hide
we'll not want to stray from the hearth
cocoa and tea
let it heat and be
as we snuggle close
wondering why we dream for this wonderland
and now dream of the warm coast.

inspired by a snow storm, followed by a beautiful sunny day. It has been soooo cold.
~T~

Mason Lee Michael Blitch

(RIP: 12/1/1999-1/14/2000)
A Child here, a child gone.
it won't be long, only a few months
only a few good memories
The room was filled with sobs and sniffles
not including the desperate wails of a mother's misery
SIDS, I hate SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
I just wanted to go home
home to my bed, home to cry
to be at that place
oh Why did he have to die?
the innocent cries from him I'll hear no more
the happy face of a baby boy
the expressions he made when he saw something that interested him
the joy I felt as I held him
the joy others felt
the proudness of a father with his son
the happiness he had brung
Into this world, we hoped he would stay
Into this world, God called him away.

I wrote this at age 14 when my baby nephew died of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). I am posting this now cuz his birthday was 5 days ago. He would have been 10. We all miss him dearly but always keep him in our hearts. Please anyone expecting a child or with a infant, please research and learn how you can reduce the risks of SIDS. It can not be prevented. It could happen to anyone. Being informed can at least help you reduce your child's risk. Happy late Birthday Mason! We love you.
~Aunt T~