Sinking Stones

the insignificant ocean falls,
trails of salt and,scars
will be all forgotten at last call.

transparent rocks thrown
will beat down the soul,
will hinder and break what has grown.

Will the wall tumble down
to lie submissive to stones?
the ocean fell, the soul drowned.

Boulders of hate fill in deep
Dark laughter ripples top
At the soul, ripped, sunk beneath.

Unsolved

I am a piece
from a different puzzle
some how I was lost
here,
surrounded by pieces
I don't fit...with.
Oh! How the heart
of my cardboard soul
cries for my pieces
of the,puzzle
unsolved.

A Painted World

A striver, with purpose,

travels the unyielding

Vertical desert,

is unrewarded.

A listless mind

Grows numb,

Complacent to the

Droning fluorescents.

A zombie wasteland

Assigned to be

an eternal prison,

Noise free.

A still placard

Represents worth

A name tag

A right to birth.

An echoed silence

Of the worn path

Sings of determination

And reasons worn scales.

A flicking tongue

Smells the poison

Of false,

Stale, free air.

A room of walls,

The world’s,

Screams down

In endless plight.

A latex glare,

Full of illusions

that say,

Come…come…come away.

Had to write this poem for my poetry class. I observed a live snake in a cage at a museum on the campus where I attend college. ~T

Alone

Alone in the night
my heart
I do fight
empty and aching
never to sleep
never to waking
alone in my dreams
alone in my fears
alone tonight
alone for years
calloused hands broke
calloused eyes blind
empty soul took
empty soul left behind
chips and pieces
more than enough
the hollow sound too much
being alone is tough
reaching for something
anything to hold
dying to be loved again
before I'm too old.

This poured out of me after feeling so alone w/o anyone special in my life for a long time now. Seeing other people complain about missing loved ones who have to be away from them for a while, to me it's like, at least you know they are out there and that they love you. I'm not knocking your pain of missing them, I just am jealous I suppose. I'd rather be in pain of missing someone than the pain I have sometimes of not having anyone to miss.
~T

Dreams and Nightmares

Suck it up
go to sleep
face your nightmares
or your dreams
Dreams will come
Dreams will fade
Nightmares will come
Nightmares will haze
forget it all
live in the moment
sleep well, sleep tight
remember that
tonight is tonight.


This is about living in reality and facing your fears and dreams head on but not lingering in stuff that is unreal. I am bad about living in daydreams.
~T

Help Me Escape

Drowning under flourescent lights
swallow me whole
the dark night
in a hole of selfishness, sinking
I tear my soul
where am I going?
The road is lit
lined with light poles
but I still can't see it
I'll follow tails lights
but it takes its toll
swinging on the tail of this kite
hoping to end up somewhere for safe keeping
where I hope, want and am meant to be, full.
happy. content, life done sucking.
tired... tired of sleeping. Stop it!
this dreaming lull
I need to escape it.

Feeling very emotional his weekend. Things going on that are making me feel like I'm stuck in place, not really moving. I am not happy. Why can't I achieve in life, what I want? It's so annoying... grrr. *cry*
~T

Invisible Hands

Faceless friends
hold out their invisible hands for me
silly me, I smile
and jump into the crowd, crowd surfing
as I hit the floor
I begin to cry
always there, invisibly
supporting me...
ya right.


So I wrote this poem after checking my email to see if anyone I had email my story I'm currently working on to. Most of the people are friends I hardly see ever, some are family though... But it's been 2 days and no one has replied yet about what they think... I think they haven't probably started even reading it. I know some didn't even get around to it the last time I sent out the email w/ the previous chapters... So frustrating. I really need reader imput and feed back and I'm getting zilch. *sigh* Can't always be easy writing...
~T

When the Pain Hits

Twinges of pain beat at me
What will this mean?
How do I explain to someone who wants to be with me?
with each pinch,with each wince
I see my future bleak...
everything is uncertain
Trust in God, I think
Maybe something wonderful is behind this curtain
the pain is a veil
that only with the Lord's help can I lift
Until then, I will just hunch over and endure
when the pain hits.

This is a personal, literal poem.
~T

Within

In the silent of the night
I hear your stars echo bright
your love embraces me
Yet still, fear, in my heart, does beat
Can I hold this change?
As my eyes search the pages
Where will I stand?
I just wanna take your hand
Take my fear away
In my heart, I want you to stay
Forgive me
Your love in my heart,
I want it to beat
Holy is your name forever.
Amen.

~T

Her

Each breath brings her closer to tears
what has she done with all the years?
Las Vegas stole part of her soul
Now she searches for a new goal
God granted one small blessing
Now it's time for nesting
what path will drop before her next?
only hope will get her through the tests.

This one was inspired by a friend of mine. From my point of view, she has had a rough time through life. But hopefully things are looking up from now on.
~T

deleted

Clock Watchers

minute by minute
the time creeps by
each tick moves it
boy how the time flies
where did it go?
into the past
the future is now, unknown
live like it's your last
no turning back
keep moving, living
take time to pack
be versatile, giving
tick tock, tick tock
pay Attention!
don't watch the clock
live, live, live, til it ends.

So sometimes I think we all watch the clock too much. Just like your life and be happy.
~T

The Book of My Life

lost among the pages
I long never to leave
another world, different faces
the longer the book
the faster I read
the fantasy, my mind took
flew away, gone at last
uncertain of reality
escaping it's firm grasp
but what will become of me
as I burrow and hide
into the books I flee?
a great adventure
is what I long and crave
yet in reality, I will never venture
I am scared
because at the end
pages will sit idle as they were all I cared.

I reread the last Harry Potter book between last night and today. It made me feel very melancholy at the end. I hate the prologue at the end... it makes me sad to have missed 19 years of Harry and everyone else's life. Why do I feel so sad to miss a character from a books life? It wasn't real. Yet everyday I hide myself away, reading books, my head lost in my own world of imagination. I miss out on parts of my own life. Things I find myself scared to face. I am a coward. Too scared to live my own life the way I truly want to, in order to be happy. I can live vicariously through my books...but when it comes down to the end...we all die and what true love and life will I have to remember? Pages of print telling me what their adventure found... while I sat idle, too scared to grab my own. Fear of the unknown... can destroy life... If only I could now find the courage to grab my life and make it be what I want it to. Though with my books of fantasy, I find I long for those things that we know not to be real. Things of fantasy are my longing...and unobtainable. From a young age I always wished to be born in a different time, a different world. I do not fit here. I love my family but I long for something more...which I am unsure of. I'm not sure I know how to be happy anymore. I wish I knew how to find happiness. It's just an ongoing battle within myself for my life. Wish me luck.
~T~

While inside I cry

The empty days of my busy life...
those who love me care...they try.
but surrounded by them, I smile rife.
while inside I cry
He smiled at me slowly, shock in his eyes evident
those who love me don't see it
I smile back, pretending not to notice, pretending to be confident
while inside I cry
Life as I knew it suddenly became a clear lie
those who love me saw it
I should have seen sooner, but I just wanted to try
while inside I cry
innocent, adolescent, teenage me
those who love me didn't see
how I'd escape in my mind, fantasy... Flee!
while inside I cry
to smile and really feel happy.

In this I used 3 specific memories from things that have happened in my life that I remember feeling so sad and depressed and upset and confused... It's about how I expect those who love me to be observant and how blind I make myself or how I hide myself away so much...Maybe I should've been an actress...lol
~T~
p.s. sorry the last 2 poems have been so sad/depressing...just in a funk.

My Mask

I wear a mask today
but those who love me
can sometimes see it slip away
I fear my eyes give away my guilt
guilty of feeling sad
the sadness I tried to contain, spilt
what am I missing?
what do I need?
to fill this empty hole
this deep, hollow, aching...
in my soul.

Been feeling sad lately... It's like...I should feel happy with all the holidays around. But there's just so much in my life I'm trying to figure out so I can grow up I suppose. I sometimes slip up though and a sadness enters my eyes that gives me away... So I need to keep my mask on tighter I guess until I can figure this out or just give myself some time to just cry. Sometimes that's really helpful when you are feeling sad, to just cry and let it out instead of holding it all in. Hard for me though because I have been taught that crying shows weakness and I'd rather wear this mask than to cry...but then again...couldn't this mask be considered being weak too?... who knows? *Shrug*
~T~

Blinded to Opportunity

There it goes...
did you see it?
yes, yes, it was there.
it just goes to show...
you don't believe it!
you should really take more care...
It was so close!
I can't believe you missed it.
well, maybe next time you should stare.
you're so blind, you can't see past your nose.
Right there! You missed it!
guess when you're ready, you'll see it there.

how many times do we pass up opportunity just because we are too scared to take the risk or we don't wanna see it?... I am scared of opportunity all the time...I just blind myself to it because I don't think I deserve that opportunity. So, maybe the key is to be confident in yourself and grab those opportunities. They won't always keep coming.
~T~

God's Teasing Whispers

cupping a hand to my ear
I strain to listen
for the whispers I expect to hear
where have you gone!?
speak louder please
I need to know when to grab on
your silent whispers tease
is it my imagination?
or is it really you?
Yell! Don't wait for an invitation.
I really have no clue...
Give me a sign.
slap me in the face with it!
hold me close and show me
my heart can be blind to what's good for it
show me the way to be
please...

still waiting for my answers...
~T~

Hiding

Somewhere over the rainbow
the stars still shine
and when I want to hide away
it won't be considered a crime
the lollipop kids will smile and dance with me
it'll be a celebration
they'll let me be who I want to be
I will skip down the yellow brick road
and when I find price charming
he'll be a man, not a toad
when the door locks behind
I won't leave him outside
our dreams will be one
and from him I won't want to hide.

Just wrote this between last night and today. This is about how I love to hide away in my own little world, involved in all my writing/reading/artsy/dreaming stuff. My dad exclaims to me at times, "it's alive!" and my mom says, "we see her when she gets hungry". It'd be better if I had my own place. They see me about as much as if I had my own place...soon I hope. ;) lol. anyways... It's about how I will know the man who is right for me because, I won't feel like I need to hide away with him. I can be who I am and who I want to be in front of him and not feel judged. So hard to do that around people who don't necessarily like how you spend your time. If my dad had his way, my time would be spent working on something that's actually work work. I have a job....that's work enough. I like to spend my free time enjoying the things I enjoy. :)
~T~

Forcing

I step up to the plate
Hey! this should be fun!
Batter up! Batter up!
Let's give it a run
quick sand makes up home plate as I step up
Sure! Why not?
It can't be THAT rough
down I sink
every instinct screams to fight it
but there I stand sinking
holding my tongue, biting it
too sweet, too soon
Just slow down, give me some room
too desperate, too lonely
is it worth the phony?
trying not to lie, avoiding the truth
too afraid of letting the other fall
so here I stand sinking
hoping it will get better once I hit the ball.

Can't explain this at this time...but maybe you can figure it out w/o explainations.
~T~

Hot Bath

when all drains
to the last drop
just remember
the facet is turned off
turn it on
and bathe free
soak and wrinkle
with a good book to read


I wrote this poem in the literal sense and metaphoric. Literal, because I love to just relax in the hot bath and read. I could spend hours in there as long as I have a good size hot water heater. lol. Methaphoric because in whatever we do and it seems like things are draining or going bad that it just takes our own determination and striving toward it to stop the drain and fill our life back up the way we want. =)
~T~